My heart thumps wildly as I snatch a City Girls magazine off a Lincoln Park newsstand. I...I can't believe this! I clutch the glossy little weekly in horror as my eyes zero in on the headline: WINGWOMAN BARES ALL.

Shitty! It can't be...

Chills prickle down my spine as I rip off my Diesel sunglasses to take a closer look. The mortifying photo just below the headline is every girl's worst nightmare! And it's right smack on the cover of the dishiest, most well-read social magazine in Chicago.

A butt shot.

Yep. There it is—a way-too-big snapshot of a girl's flouncy white miniskirt tucked into a lacy pink thong, her pearly white butt peeking out for the entire world to see.

I clap a hand over my gaping mouth. This can't be happening. It just can't be. I mean, that girl in the picture? Well...it's...oh my God...

IT'S...MEEE?!

My cheeks flush feverishly as I inspect every inch of my high-resolution butt. Hands shaking. Head pounding. Panic. Panicky. Panicking. I mean, this is humiliating. This is a nightmare. This is...

Aaack! Is that cellulite? I squint hard, slowly turning the magazine right, then left. It is! I can't believe this! I close my eyes in pure torture.

Just then, a gaggle of girls strut past. They spot the butt shot from four feet away and immediately huddle around the newsstand. Their squeals of laughter hurt my ears.

"No way! Look!" one girl shrieks, pointing. "That's hilarious! Can you imagine?"

"Eww!" another girl hisses. "Her ass is like, droopy!"

I whip around, shoving on my sunglasses and pulling up my puffy black North Face vest all the way to my ears. Tears well up as I glare down at the photo. At least you can't see my face. Someone is bound to find out though. Aren't they? They'll recognize my outfit or my honey blonde hair or something! I'll be discovered. I, Victoria Hart, will forever be known as the Butt Girl!

I need to get home—fast! Stuffing the magazine under my arm, I rush back to my apartment a few blocks away.

Damn my job.

Damn that reporter.

Damn last night.

Why do these things always happen to me? I mean, the night started off sooo fine! You know...kind of. At least I thought so! (Okay. Okay. Maybe it was a tad shaky. But that's totally understandable! Right? It was my first night on the job!) Hmph. Maybe I should see what you think. Here...